Trainspotting

I recently saw Danny Boyle's Trainspotting for the first time, and I have to say: after watching the movie very attentively for 1 hr. and 30 mins I still don't know why it's called "Trainspotting." That's not really my issue with the movie, though; I have many others that I will discuss in this review, because I feel quite strongly about how bad this movie was. I went in expecting something quick, edgy, and foreign, like Snatch, and instead I left the theater feeling like I had seen something dull, boring, and forced - not like Snatch. I will try to pinpoint the issues I had with Trainspotting by bullet-pointing the main issues I had (not to mention I like to use bullet points).

• The voiceover. The fucking voiceover was the first thing I reacted violently to in the movie. I thought the visuals of the first scene were quite interesting, and by themselves would have been a catchy intro to the movie - but the voiceover completely killed it, along with every other scene it was in. When I'm in a movie, I don't need to be told the theme of the movie in the first 3 minutes or I won't be surprised by the development of the movie - the journey of the characters through the plot. What Trainspotting did was explicitly say, in the voiceover, how all these heroin addicts were choosing a fix over "life," and, of course, the last line of the voiceover at the end of the movie was Ewan McGregor saying "I choose life." Now, my question is: shouldn't I, as an intelligent audience member, be able to see that he chooses life by the actions he takes in the movie without the need for a voiceover to enlighten me? Apparently not...

• The plotline. I don't even know what to say about the plot except that it was didn't go anywhere, it was confusing and even disjunct at several places, and OH WAIT nothing happens. Literally I spent 3/4 of the movie wondering to myself, "Why am I watching this? What about this situation is important for the characters?" Of course, throwing in a dead baby and a tough withdrawal provided McGregor with obstacles to fight against, but I didn't see how he grew from those struggles at all. In the end, the big thing that everything was leading up to was Ewan McGregor stealing money from his friends, which he does in the entire movie anyways, so at the end I was quite angry at feeling like I had just watched an hour and a half of nothingness.

• The subject matter. Trainspotting is basically a comedy of heroin addicts - a funny version of Requiem for a Dream. Except nothing about Requiem is funny... at all. It is the single most depressing movie I have ever seen, because it deals honestly and appropriately with its subject matter. Now, I'm not totally against the idea of a comedy based on heroin addicts - I think Tarantino did a damn good job making a comedy out of killing Nazis in Inglorious Basterds, to make some kind of a connection with dark comedies - but heroin addiction is a serious matter that must be dealt with just as honestly as Requiem did it. As Matt says, assume at least 10% (20%?) of the audience has had direct experience with the subject matter. I don't have any experience with heroin addicts, but I can at least tell you that in most of the scenes I didn't care about Ewan McGregor's struggles. Which brings me to my final point...

• The acting. Once again, I have difficulties seeing where the problems with the script end and the problems with the acting begin. I don't think Ewan McGregor is a terrible actor, but his performance felt "acted," probably because if he had dealt with his addiction honestly it would not have been a comedy. The other characters were generally unmemorable, except for Begbie - Robert Carlyle's depiction of a hard-ass fighter was fun to watch. If the other supporting characters (Sick Boy, Spud, Tommy) had been as well defined and as clearly acted as Begbie, perhaps there would have been some interesting ensemble relationships developing through the course of the movie - but I couldn't really keep track of who was who, let alone what kind of a character they were.

In all, I'm glad I saw Trainspotting because I learned the problems with the overuse of voiceover, the need to have an engaging and well-paced script, and the problem with not dealing with the subject matter appropriately. But I still wish I had that 90 minutes of my life back.

Notes on Animal Project

A few notes that I have been given from Matt in the past few classes that have really helped me improve:

• Go outside of your animal's "Greatest Hits." Without realizing it, I fell into the trap that Matt pointed out after one of our first animal improvs - I was only doing the Blue Heron's "greatest hits." My greatest hits, as I have identified them, are: eating food, lifting my foot in the air, preening my wings, attempting flight, eating more food, darting my head around, and eating more food. Obviously, you can see how this might get boring after about 10 minutes! So I am going to work on branching out by reacting to things around me, and that will hopefully give me more inspiration for new movement and physicality.

• UNDULATIONS. This concept, once I started practicing it, has really transformed my animal. The idea is that movement is not here and then there - it undulates like a wave, and the best way to think about any kind of movement for your animal is the undulation. That way, you're moving naturally and specifically instead of making generalized actions. An example is when I walk as the bird. I know I should lead with my foot - but it doesn't look natural when I simply stick my foot out and put it down. Rather, it works better when I lift with my thigh and undulate the movement all the way down to my foot, finally ending by sticking my foot out. The same can be used for my work with my head and shoulders. Instead of bobbing my head out and sideways, I instead start an undulation in my spine that moves through my neck and into my head, engaging my entire core in the movement. The effect works really well!

• A note that Matt gave me from the start that has helped me perform the heron is the way I hold my back. In my first improv with the bird, I hunched my shoulders and tried to raise my head at the same time, trying to mimic what the bird looked like exactly. As you might be able to guess, this was not sustainable for more than 4 minutes. I had to raise my back before it literally fell off, and my head was never static. My problem here was that I wasn't properly transposing the bird's posture onto my own body. A heron (see pic) may look like it is hunched forward, but it is actually standing up straight - it simply that the wings come out the back. The wings do not hunch the bird over - in fact, they help it to stand up straight. So instead of hunching my back over, I held it up straight, pretending that my entire spine was the bird's neck. Then, with the creation of wings, I will be able to jut my hands behind my back and get that sideways volume that makes it look like the heron is hunched over:

Also notice something very interesting about the heron that I had never noticed about bird before this project: their legs bend FORWARDS. Like their knees are backwards. This is quite a challenge for me to figure out, but I will keep playing with it in rehearsal. Once again, I will have to not try to make myself look exactly like the bird, but instead copy the key characteristics of the bird.

Blue Heron

After performing our first exercise yesterday as our animals, it has become clear to both me and Matt that the White-Faced Saki simply won't work. We did an exercise in which we began to inhabit our animal - I worked with one of the 3-legged tables in Studio A to try to replicate the swinging off the branches that I saw at the zoo, but it just wasn't happening. A big problem is my broken thumb - that really limits my mobility and thus my possibilities.

So I tried something new, and Thomas Moore and I went to the National Aviary! It was an incredible experience. It kicked the zoo's ass by a factor of like 12 to 1. The birds were much more active, much more fascinating, very social, and I enjoyed spending time with them very much. I went there specifically looking for the Great Blue Heron, a bird I once saw in coastal Georgia that caught my imagination, just because it's so badass - it's huge and beautiful and graceful. However, they didn't have the Great Blue Heron. They had herons, but not the Great Blue. Set on performing the heron, I decided to spend my time watching the pelican instead, which provided me with lots of specific movements that I think I can transfer to the heron. A video I took (too large to be uploaded) that I will continue to watch in order to find movements for the bird has really informed my practice. What seems key is that, like the White-Faced Saki, the bird also preens, except it preens itself with its beak - it turns its head 180 degrees!

Because the Blue Heron wasn't at the aviary, I have been forced to watch lots, and lots, and lots of Youtube videos. Here are a few that have helped me:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXqhrRdtl4I

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IO7Uunk-nfg&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUM7vdGWid8&feature=related

Notice the way the legs are separate from the wings/upper body, and the way the heron naturally likes to stand still. I will try to incorporate these natural tendencies in my work. Another part of the body that is isolated is the head - it moves separate from the wings and body as the heron (with eyes on the side of its head) looks out for possible danger. Isolation is a very good tool I will use to structure my work with the heron, because then I can improve my specificity - working on every body part separately.

Animal Projects

Animal Projects have begun!

After thinking about what animals I wanted to be, I suggested to Matt that I be something big, something that takes up a lot of space, like a bear or a gorilla. I also thought a rhinoceros or giraffe would be fun to try. Matt suggested I try something down a different path, something that bounces around a lot, is always the center of commotion, and fucks up before he realizes he's fucking up. Instead of looking for a specific animal, then, I went to the zoo with just these characteristics in mind and looked at everything they had.

Well, I discovered that going to the Pittsburgh Zoo in January is not the best time to see animals bouncing around a lot. I saw a tiger pacing, and a lion sitting on his ass, and some sharks swimming. I was hoping maybe the snakes would be up to something, but not so. However, I did see an animal that I think I've decided on: the flying monkey.

I've picked the flying monkey because I'm enticed by all the possibilities for movement it presents. Here's a video I took of them that shows their capacities for movement quite well:

As you can see in the video, they are apt to be on the move - they don't like to stay in one place for too long, and they really engage with the environment around them. This is something I'd like to explore as an animal in the projects.

Another reason I picked the White-Faced Saki is another characteristic that Matt said I should check out: an animal that is always engaged with other animals. I noticed that the Saki, more than any other animal I saw at the zoo, engages with its fellow species members - picking at hairs, usually, and preening, which they do very often. This picture (sorry for the sub-par quality) shows what I am talking about:

As you can see in the photo, they really get particular with preening each other, and they are very social animals.

So as a start, I will start experimenting this week with Saki movements and playfulness and see what comes up. It may not be the best fit, but I think it will work, and I am excited for the challenges it presents.

Looking Into My Sole

Starting with the first assignment of the first acting class, it became clear that this semester is going to be all about physicality - something that I know I will enjoy working on, not only because it is one of my goals as an actor, but also because it impacts how I relate to my body and how I feel whenever I use it (which would be whenever I'm not unconscious). I picked Taylor out of the hat, and although I don't have any classes with her except acting, I was able to observe enough of her movements for the acting class to get it on the second guess. Her walk was a little difficult; I think she centered her weight around her hips but honestly it was really difficult to tell, especially because I couldn't stare at her or she would know. The most telling positions were when she was sitting - with her legs directly beneath her, or splayed off to the side - and those are the positions that, after I performed them in class, Taylor later said she identified with.

I spent a great deal more time watching the man who sells Pitt gear on the corner of Forbes and Bigelow on our second assignment. I picked him because he was standing outside (where I could watch him from lots of different angles) and he was always on his feet, giving me a good sense of his movements and where he placed his weight. I noticed several things about him that I tried to emulate in Wednesday's class:

• His pacing. This was the very first thing I noticed. He tended to walk forwards, and then backwards, turning slightly as he did so, and always placing his heel down first. Placing the heel down first slowed his movements and gave me a sense that he was choosing each step, although I doubt he was - but his movements indicated so.
• Subtle hand movements. A few things he repeated were to pull up his pants (I don't think he was wearing a belt), scratching his nose and chin, and even readjusting his junk once or twice. However, learning from the idea of specificity, I knew when emulating him that, if he only readjusted his junk once, for example, I should only do that once in my entire performance - not repeat it several times because it was one of the few things I saw.
• His reactions to the cold. It was a very, very cold day when I viewed him, and he did several things to adjust to the temperature. One was, of course, the pacing. Another was the way he stretched his fingers, opening them and closing them to increase blood flow to his hand. He also sometimes clasped his hands together.
• His weight. This guy was big - much bigger than me. I'd say at least 50 pounds heavier, probably more. Also, he was just a little bit shorter than me. I noticed that, in his slow movements, he held his weight down in his hips. He didn't move his arms much; all of his hand movements only involved the lower arms. I found it quite difficult to perform as him with that much weight, but that challenge was another reason I picked him.
• His voice. Obviously, when I had the conversation with him, I tried to immediately pick up on his accent, which I probably didn't do very successfully, but I didn't talk to him for very long.

In watching other people's performances, what immediately struck me was the small movements that they had all picked up on to emulate - Chris's tapping of the credit card, Taylor's nervous grasping of her wallet, etc. Some of them had done very convincing accents, as well, and of course their general body movements were varied. I thought Zanny performed especially well the speech pattern of the RiteAid manager - the way she was always trying to find common ground with the customer, to please the customer, was realistic and something I come across all the time. And it wasn't just the speech pattern - it came out in her face and her body movements as well. Very well done!

Of course, watching all these people's physical movements, performing as other people, makes me notice my own body movements even more. I have been investigating my own body since I came to CMU, because I know there are things I need to work on. I have grown a LOT in the past two or three years - about 5" - and I am not yet quite comfortable with my height. My posture just absolutely sucks most of the time, and I realized that perhaps it is because I am so skinny - which is why I was working on building my upper body. Working out was improving my posture because I really felt like I took up space as a result of building core muscle, but then I fell skiing. The fall not only broke my thumb, making me unable to do workouts or pushups, but also gave me a chest contusion and strained ligaments in my back. I really haven't felt the same since. I am committed to rehabilitating myself, however, and once my thumb is fully healed I will be back to stretching and exercising daily. I looked at the soles of my shoes and found something that I had already known - I usually walk more on the balls of my feet, hunching my shoulders over my feet and sticking my butt out just slightly. This makes me about 3" shorter, and it is not uncommon for me to suddenly realize I am hunched over, stand up straight, and feel COMPLETELY DIFFERENT as I walk wherever I am going. Seriously, I feel like an entirely new person, which scares me and causes me to hunch back over once I've forgotten. Habits are hard to break, but I know I'll get there.

Recent Successful and Not-So-Successful Performances

For our first journal entry, Matt asked us to discuss recent performances that we thought were particularly positive or negative. Going with what comes to mind first, I will discuss Black Swan, Darren Aronofsky's latest movie that I saw over winter break.

Overall, watching Black Swan, and often while watching many movies, it is difficult for me to separate the actor's performance from the script, from the cinematography, and from the other elements that are brought together in a film. This is probably me looking at the film from a director's standpoint. In terms of Natalie Portman's performance, then, I thought it was a successful performance insomuch as she showed a descent into the Black Swan, her "evil" side, that developed a journey for her character over the course of the movie. Now, my issue with Black Swan is that it is a one-note story: terribly predictable (is the final OMG moment where she turns into a swan at the end supposed to be a surprise?) and, as such, quite boring. I really didn't care when Portman's character died at the end, let alone when Mila Kunis's character "died." So, Portman does an excellent job of playing the innocent, sweet girl that descends into this awful bitch, but it's not a particularly exciting performance because I could see it all coming, and there was no point in the movie where I thought that Portman would actually be strong enough to resist the darker nature of herself.

As such, the only way to really appreciate Black Swan is by looking at it as Aronofsky's retelling - in a film adaptation - of Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake - in which case it is very interesting. But that's not the outright point of the movie, and by itself the movie just doesn't work. The point is, however, that I wouldn't blame that on Portman, because I think she excelled in the stereotype of her character; just the fact that her character was a stereotype undercut the story.

The best parts of the movie by far were the scenes between Portman and Barbara Hershey, who played her neurotic mother. These were the best scenes because the real cause of Portman's innocence, the reason she is so perfect as a white swan, is because her mother has babied her for her entire life - but this lack of independence on Portman's side gives lead to incredible tension between the two actresses. You can see the tension in every scene between them, but it is expressed in different ways throughout the movie. At the beginning, the tension is covered up as Portman plays the subservient daughter. As Portman begins to assert her independence, that's where things get really interesting because Hershey is provoked into committing harsher acts to control her daughter and the madness in her character is revealed. Then, as Hershey starts to work harder to keep Portman under control, and as Portman accepts her "black swan" more and more, Portman fights back against Hershey, leading to hands getting smashed in doors and the like - scenes where the tension is out in the open and the two actresses are making strong choices to defeat the other.

What I also loved about those scenes were how much they reminded me of another of Aronofsky's parent-child relationships: that of Ellen Burstyn and Jared Leto in his strongest film, Requiem for a Dream. The scenes between Burstyn and Leto are successful performances in a different way - theirs is a relationship based not on hate but on love, and on Burstyn's desire that Leto become successful - whatever that may mean. Of course, Burstyn is living in a world of drugs and television that has replaced reality, and so Leto, while dealing with his own problems, must have the strength to also watch his mother spiral into madness.

The following scene in particular is an excellent performance from Burstyn. As you watch it, notice how she tries to stay strong in front of her son by not crying, by holding onto the "red dress" and being on TV, but how in doing so she even more clearly reveals the struggles that are going on inside her. Meanwhile, Leto doesn't know how to help his mother and resorts to drugs in the end to make the pain of seeing his mother like this go away.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3OK0KgXjmk

(video could not be embedded)

Overall, when thinking about what makes a performance successful, especially on film, it comes down to spontaneity, making bold choices, developing a journey of the character, and reacting to the situation honestly and with great thought. The problem with the script for Natalie Portman's character was that the character's descent was entirely predictable with no opposition - no signs that might make the audience think "maybe she'll turn out alright after all." So, although Portman showed a journey very well, and her internal struggle, she didn't give me any hope that I could cling to. In Requiem for a Dream, however, all the characters seemed to have hope throughout the movie - Jared Leto thinks if he can just score that pound of pure he'll be alright, and he almost does; and then they think if they go to Florida they'll be able to escape. Ellen Burstyn loses weight, fits inside the red dress, and seems to be set to go for the television until we realize how much the drugs have actually changed her. The point is, I don't want to know where the character is going to end up halfway through the movie - so give me performances that keep me on the edge of unknowing.

Goals and Challenges

I want to start this blog - a new method of journaling for me - by stating my goals for this semester and the challenges I expect to face as I continue developing my acting skills. Last semester with Barbara Mackenzie-Wood taught me a LOT about myself - my acting abilities, my strengths, my weaknesses, and even how I naturally interact with other people - what my tendencies are and what I usually shy away from. Having never taken an acting class in high school, last semester I made some major breakthroughs in how an actor approaches his craft and what "good acting" looks like. In that spirit, I will lay down my goals - where I need to improve - and discuss the challenges that I faced, and will continue to face, this semester.

Goals:

• Listening actively. This goal I think of almost as a muscle that I have to train - train myself to be present to what is going on around me, especially with my scene partners. One of the biggest breakthroughs I made last year was when I realized that experiencing losses is a key part of listening and being a good scene partner. The most interesting scenes are a give-and-take: I go for my objective, I fail, I experience the loss, I recuperate and try again. The acting I did in high school, and much of last semester, was instead: I go for my objective, I fail, but I'm not listening, so I don't realize I fail, I just keep going expecting that if I try the same thing over and over again I will succeed. That kind of acting is really, as Matt likes to say, throwing enormous energy at the objective instead of using tactics and a small amount of energy. If I train myself to keep listening, staying in the moment, I can be more versatile and confident as my character.

• Playing for the audience. Last semester, I became quite good at playing the character internally, "feeling" the character and responding honestly, but not thinking about the audience in the process. As Matt said on Monday, the audience doesn't give a shit about what I'm feeling - they give a shit about what they're feeling. And the way I make them feel something is by playing outwards instead of inwards. So, this semester, I want to make stronger choices with the intent of provoking the audience and showing my character. An important way this will be done is by:

• Engaging my body. Already this semester we've done several exercises to engage our bodies in our work, and with the Animal Projects coming up that will be the focus of much of my work this semester. As an actor, my body and my voice are my two instruments, so I must learn how to listen to them onstage, remember that they are, in fact, there, and that they are always telling the audience something whether I am making a conscience choice of it or not. For example, if my hands are mindlessly in my pockets, that is telling the audience something, even though I probably just forgot that I had hands at all in that moment. Working with each part of the body will help me develop this, I think.

• Being specific. Matt quoted Stanislavsky on Monday when he said, "Generality is the enemy of all art," and it is an idea that I have been aware of for several years. In my Commedia dell'arte work in junior year, I learned that comedy arises out of specificity in gestures, movement, and thought, and now I am starting to see how specificity aids any theatre practice. But once again, specificity requires being on your toes as an actor, noticing the details, listening actively, and finding the unique aspects of a character that, in their minutiae, honestly tell his story.

Challenges:

• Confidence onstage. Last semester was a little rough for me - coming to college, meeting more new people than I had ever met (coming from small private schools my entire life), being in a conservatory where the other people seemed to be far more sure of their interest in a career in theatre than me, etc. - excuses and reasons and whining and such of course, most of which I am in the process of growing out of, but it affected my confidence onstage such that I was often unable to make a real stage presence. However, like I said, I made some major breakthroughs and I am excited to meet this challenge head-on this semester.

• Playing different characters. Last semester, I found that I was pretty good at playing one specific type of character (the shy, nervous, desperately-in-love type of dude, not too far removed from myself), and I would really like to explore more transformative characters this semester. I often think, and am told, that certain actors are "made" for certain parts - but what is the point in acting if I am always typecast, if I can't make a real statement as a completely different character? So this semester I am challenging myself to play something completely new, dangerous, and different.